A MISSIVE FROM SOMERSET AT A TIME OF NATIONAL CRISIS
By Angelica Clytsome
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Namaste. I greet you from the fresh air of the Quantock hills where it’s hard to believe that we are in the Age of the Virus, having moved with lightning speed from Before Corona (BC) to After Corona (AC). In this Year Zero I bring you the good news that the time has now come for Alfresco yoga!
On the hillsides to either side of me, fat grey sheep graze in the springy heather. I have chosen this spot for my daily practice of Alfresco yoga. As I sit here on the Earth, the tops of my feet folded snugly over my thighs, my buttocks firmly planted on a mossy bank, I need to adjust my posture slightly - perhaps there is a stick somewhere beneath my left buttock bone – and I feel a deep sense of connection to Mother Earth.
What better spot to practice the art of yoga, the union of body and mind? How much more healthy and virus free than to unfurl your yoga mat on the dusty floor of the village hall or school gym? Instead of the bottom of the woman in front of you, your view ranges across the countryside. Instead of the portrait of our Queen above the stage, your eyes dwell serenely upon trees, hillsides, Hinkley Point. And in these disastrous economic times this is yoga for all. Unlike the rampant profiteering in toilet paper, Alfresco yoga is as free as the air we breathe; all you need is my book, DVD or podcast available on www.angelclyt.com
The Alfresco yogi is deeply connected with place, reading the farm gate as the ideal place for a leg stretch, the oak tree as the ideal support for a head stand, a rocky ledge as an invitation to perform the Warrior pose, arm thrust rapier like towards the office of Ian Liddel Grainger MP. Thus the landscape is midwife to the yoga asana!
What’s more, Alfresco yogis perform her/his postures according to the political and cultural conditions of the time, reacting to national and international events by choosing asanas which interact with the great global energy fields. Were you outraged by Donald Trump’s attempts to buy up all vaccines against COVID-19 to win his next election? Then do the Scales of Justice posture on a high promontory, focussing your gaze across the Atlantic to Washington DC!
Indeed the Universe is surely trying to tell us something when Trump is British slang for a bodily function and Johnson is American slang for a bodily part. Alfresco yoga provides a way of tapping into that cosmic message. Find a leafy bower to practice Pavanamuktasana (‘pavana’, wind’; mukta, freedom). Lie on your back and hug your knees to your chest, buttocks directed towards the Houses of Parliament. The energy you release will surely be felt behind the black door of Number 10!
What of curious passers by? In my experience, dogs and other animals are more likely than humans to interfere. I have on one occasion been obliged to abandon The Oak posture when a passing hound sniffed my feet and lifted its leg. But sheep do no more than munch, stare and cough from time to time; no one attempts to quarantine them! I am of course lucky to enjoy the wide open spaces of the West Country, yet the urban yogi can also practice Alfresco in the built landscape (my forthcoming book, ‘Concrete Yoga’ explores this in more detail). I have found that a bus shelter makes an excellent site for the Running Stag posture, sending divine light to the Emergency Services. Similarly, women now self-isolating at home with small children, elderly relatives or simply domineering husbands will – with a little inventiveness - be able to practice these postures at home. One foot on the countertop while dicing carrots, a forward bend over a bowl of water while peeling potatoes, ironing through the back arch – all these are all equally feasible.
Passing wind, let’s be honest, is a common but hidden aspect of the average yoga class. In my many years as a teacher of yoga in the villages of south west England, I have grown accustomed to navigating my way around evening classes according to the wafts and whiffs emanating from my pupils. I was always able to identify them by their reluctance to make eye contact with me. Such is the po faced denial of this natural bodily function amongst my compatriots that I have never once in two decades of teaching heard anyone say “I beg your pardon” or, “was that you Christine/Pam/Yvonne?” – even when an obvious trump has vibrated along the floorboards.. Perhaps it is because we are so often under the serene gaze of Her Majesty circa 1950, who - as we are led to believe from earliest childhood - has no bodily functions whatsoever!
Now that we are calling a spade a spade, I must point out that farting noises as such do not always emanate from the back passage. Certain positions, especially the downward facing dog, place the pelvis in such a position that air is drawn into the Yoni. This is a thoroughly healthy phenomenon and offers a rare chance for a little airing ‘down there’. Women should welcome this as the penetration of the Yoni by a Lingam of pure light; exhilarating! Indeed, any woman who has ever taken the so-called ‘doggy position’ for intercourse (and I do hope you have!) will be aware of this potentially noisy knock on effect!
Sadly, due to the taboos surrounding this part of the body (known, according to Oxford English Dictionary, as the ‘pudendum’ after the Latin, ‘pudend’, meaning ‘shame’) coupled with our culture’s complete denial of scatological realities, the sound made by the sudden expulsion of air from the ‘pudend’ can cause a range of reactions in a yoga class, from hot embarrassment to barely suppressed hysteria. My daughter, Ocean, who has accompanied me to yoga classes throughout her childhood, or whenever I was between marriages, used to shout out ‘Fanny Fart!’ at the top of her little voice. This caused some blushing and smirking in my classes, but at least it broke the ice!
Similarly, if you are practising the asanas after a night on the cider and pickled onions (still a popular West Country pastime I am glad to say!) any unfortunate ‘morning after’ aromas will be swiftly wafted away by the fresh winds of the countryside as you drape your body over branches, stiles and fences to achieve the desired degree of stretch – while simultaneously practising social distancing.
Even better you will avoid the dangerous ‘holding in’ which compounds the dangers of those now forbidden enclosed spaces - studios, gyms and halls. This withholding is both physically and psychologically damaging, lowering your immunity to the COVID-19 virus, causing irascibility and political extremism. Trump, Johnson, Pavana. All things are interconnected.
Om Shanti.